Gladness of Heart

We are very excited about Baby Boswell. We are so thankful that he/she is healthy and truckin' along as he/she should so far. We're going to be even more excited when he/she makes the grand appearance in 2013. 

I have to say, though, that this pregnancy has been nothing short of miserable for me (and probably Brad, too, based on how often I cry now). I realize this is not unusual. My whole life I've heard about the various and sundry side effects of pregnancy, but I never really thought about them in reference to myself. Probably wise. I have an overactive imagination. Just ask Brad. He'll roll his eyes.

Around the time we found out we were expecting, I was dealing with the fatigue. Sooo tired. At first, I thought it was from all of the prep we were doing for our move. The fatigue is still actually going pretty strong to this day (15 weeks). Honestly, seeing as how I'm not working and can sleep when I need to, I don't mind this symptom too much. 

I'm not a fan of the insomnia, though. I have a sleep disorder that I've been medicated for for years, but obviously I can't take it now. So, it takes me around two hours to fall asleep and then I wake up about every 30 minutes after that. Maybe I'm wrong, but I can't imagine that waking up every two hours with newborn will be too much more horrible than my current habit of every half hour.

Right before we moved to Boston, Brad and I were able to spend a week at the beach with his family, and the nausea started that week. I'm pretty sure that I will NEVER be able to eat shrimp ever again. I gag just thinking about it. In fact, it's such a severe aversion that during the Olympics, I'd have to look away when the divers were diving in the pike position and kind of looked like shrimp. I've got to stop writing about it...

The nausea has only gotten worse since then. For the past ten weeks, I've been on the verge of being sick for just about every waking (and non-waking) moment of every day. I go through phases of being actively sick for days on end, but the nausea never dissipates. I dream about being sick and wake up sick. I spend about 70% of my time on the couch, sucking on lemon drops, drinking lemonade, and willing my stomach to calm down. 

Quite possibly the worst part, though, are the headaches. I've gotten migraines since I was 16. I've become very adept at dealing with them through the years; if I catch them early enough and take my medicine, I can usually stop them before I'm rendered useless and bedridden. Of course, I had to stop taking my migraine medicine once I found out I was pregnant. I just hoped that I wouldn't have any migraines. I went for quite a few weeks without one, which was lovely. Then, a weather front came through Boston and nearly killed me. My migraine raged and raged, and all I could take was 2 Tylenol (if you get migraines, I can just hear you scoffing at what 2 Tylenol can do against a migraine). I was sick repeatedly, my head split open for hours on end. It was terrifying and exhausting, and the dramatic side of me was convinced I wouldn't make it until morning.

My doctor was very sympathetic and called in something that's a little stronger and still safe for little babies, which was comforting. Unfortunately, the next few times I needed it, I couldn't keep it down long enough to do anything useful. The past two weeks have been torturous; I've had a constant sinus headache that has morphed into a migraine twice. I've cried buckets out of hopelessness (which, by the way, makes the migraines so much worse) and prayed frantic, incoherent prayers for relief.

And I've felt very sorry for myself. Which made me feel guilty. Which made me cry more. It's a vicious cycle. I realize my life could be so much worse: I could be a single mom with little support. I could live in a country where I'm expected to work in the fields. Goodness, I could have a job here. I could have a husband who isn't patient and kind.

Even with all of that in mind, I've struggled a lot with weariness and discouragement and occasionally, a despair of sorts. I've done almost nothing in my new city, and I've met almost no one. I've been to church only one time. It's been a dark season, to say the least. I'm not sure that I've handled it all that well, either.

This morning, I was doing my Bible study, and I ran across a verse that I've never really paid attention to before, Ecclesiastes 5:20. The passage is talking about wealth, but it held a promise for me in this season of my life:

"He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart."

I have to confess that it hasn't helped me a whole lot to hear people saying that when I'm holding my baby in March, I won't even remember the struggles of pregnancy. That's a long ways away, and my current physical state is very real and horrible. However, I can trust- here and now- that He will keep me occupied with gladness of heart. That's my prayer.

Now, of course my other prayer is that I'll remember that I'm supposed to be praying for gladness of heart, even when I feel my sickest... :)

Questions we get

Since we started telling folks that we were pregnant, we've gotten a lot of questions. I thought I'd tackle answering some of them in one location.

Was this a surprise?

No and yes. "No" because we weren't actively trying not to have a baby and "yes" because we weren't expecting the timing. 

Are you going to work?

No. I started looking for jobs in Boston months ago and never heard back from anyone, which was disappointing. Now, of course, I can see God's hand in that. I've been entirely too sick to have had a job since we've been here. It's work just to get a shower, so doing a job and doing it well wouldn't really have been possible for me. Also, Brad and I decided before we got married that if it was at all possible, I would stay home when we had children. That's still the plan.

What are/will you do with your time?

Right now, I'm still full-time sick. I wish that were a joke or exaggeration, but it most certainly isn't. I'm 14-almost-15 weeks pregnant, and my OB said I should feel better in 2-3 weeks. At that point, the first few things I plan to do are to finish finding homes for all of our belongings, get a better idea of the lay of the land, and host friends and family that are planning to visit. I'd also like to begin cooking again. Basically, I'd like to work back up to doing normal life things.  

Do you like your doctor?

Very much. We sort of chose her at random, but we've been really happy with her.

Are you going to find out the gender?

Yes. We'll find out in mid-October.

Are you going to tell everyone what you plan to name the baby?

Yes. We're pretty settled on a boy name already, but if it's a girl, it'll probably take us while. 

Do you plan to have a natural birth?

While I applaud and admire those who do, I have no aspirations or convictions to go med-free during labor. I realize there are arguments on both sides of the fence, but again, I have no convictions about it and will pray for a healthy baby regardless.

Have you been feeling good?

No. I've felt pretty horrible for the past 8 weeks. I'll probably write more about my thoughts on that later. It's been physically and emotionally draining with very few moments of respite. At the risk of sounding ridiculously dramatic, I can hardly remember a more trying season of my life.

Have you tried __________ for morning sickness/nausea?

Probably. I've tried various ginger-related items, lemon drops, lemon aid, watermelon, carbs of all kinds, Saltines and Sprite/Ginger Ale, Preggie Pops, vitamin B-6, and prescription and over-the-counter medication. Some don't work at all (cough...ginger...cough), some work ok (lemon), and some work a bit better than the rest (prescriptions). 

Those are a few of the most frequently asked questions we've gotten. If you have others, let me know! I'll do my best to answer.

The Spotty Challenge

I realize it's been over a week since I last posted. Sorry about that. A) I've actually been really sick with this pregnancy and haven't felt like much of anything for about 8 weeks and B) my mom has been in town this week to take care of me while Brad's been doing school. Brad has been FABULOUS in the taking care of sick Erin department, but it was so nice to have Mom here while Brad has been in school all day everyday. Reality will hit hard on Monday when she's not here to anticipate my food needs or pass me the trash can. Thanks so much for coming, Mom! You left an hour ago, and I miss you already. I had to fetch my own snack...it's a hard life. :)

However, as I said last post, I went ahead and planned ahead for outfits that I'd thought out before I found out I'd be outgrowing my clothes. So, here's the one I planned for this week:

FYI: That's not a baby bump you're seeing. The shirt blouses there. Also, this is, by no means, an exact match-up with my character, but I thought it was a cute interpretation. I was going for:

101 Dalmatians! Not a particular Dalmatian, exactly...more of an impression. Did it impress you? 

Character: um...pick one! 101 Dalmatians

Outfit:
*Polka dotted top from Dress Barn in 2011. My favorite part is that the neckline is all pearls.
*Black skirt is the same ol' Old Navy one. I'm going to keep it forever.

Disneybound inspiration board(s):

I really like the Perdita board. I wouldn't mind owning that outfit. Mostly, I just accomplished the polka dot part.

I've had a few people saying I should do the maternity version of the Challenge. The only problem with that is that I'm really hoping to be very conservative in the purchases I make, so I'm not sure I'll have too many options. We'll see, though. I'll keep you posted!

Images from here and here.

The Breaking the Rules Challenge

I don't have a picture for this week. I know. I'm bad. But, I can describe this week's outfit and character. I realize that's not the same, but it'll have to do for now. 

Outfit:
*Old t-shirt of Brad's from KAA (camp). It says "Arkansas Staff" (note: Brad's not from Arkansas).
*A pair of hand-me-down soccer shorts from MEV when she cleaned out her closet last year.

Character:
*A rebel who breaks the rules of the clothing challenge.
*A gal who's new to Boston and has left the apartment a grand total of about 12 times since moving.
*A secret keeper.

I hate to admit it, but I've broken the rules of the clothing challenge. And, I haven't done anything very "Boston" since arriving. I've also been keeping a secret. Sort of.

I've also been really sick.

All for a good reason, though: Baby Boswell will be arriving sometime in mid-March! That's my character: morning-sick mom-to-be. Thus, I haven't been out much. Too much of a need to hydrate and lie on the couch.

In an effort to keep the fun of the character part of the Challenge alive, I took a bunch of pictures in outfits that I would have worn (before packing away clothing that isn't needed for a while) to post for the next few months. It's not the same, but still fun.

We're very excited about Baby Boswell! We're also hoping the second trimester brings a calmer stomach...

Erin really does love Brad.

It's fun to start a new adventure. Adventures like, oh, moving to Boston. Boston is a cool city; people come here for vacations and school trips. There's a lot to do here.

Sometimes, though, you realize that Boston isn't home yet. It's not the South. Not that the South is perfect (hello, humidity and over-the-top University of Alabama football fans...kidding! ...mostly...), but it has been home for my whole life (excluding a few international jaunts). It's comfortable and homey and friendly. I know how life works there, and I have friends and family there. Driving isn't the absolute, dread-inducing nightmare that it is here. Air conditioners abound and not everyone lives in really tall apartment buildings.

Sometimes, you have to cry a little because you're homesick- no matter how well-traveled and seemingly adventurous you are. 

And, if you're lucky, sometimes you find someone like Brad and you marry him. 

A few weeks ago, I was having a bad few days. Brad decided to take matters into his own hands by making me a special dinner. I have a cookbook inspired by Harry Potter. It's full of British recipes and some recipes that go along with the plots (like butterbeer and pumpkin juice). We hadn't made anything from the book yet, and I honestly didn't expect Brad to tackle something by himself.

But he did. He made Cornish Pasties, Glazed Carrots, and a Victoria Sponge Cake. All from scratch. It was delicious. And, it cheered me up. 

Cornish Pasties.

Thankfully, he didn't try what was on the next page: haggis. No, thank you.

The dough.

The chef.

The filling.

The final result!

The carrots.

Um, this cake was fantastic.

Brad probably won't read this, but in case he does: Love you, Brad! Thanks.