I feel that we get the "how's married life?" question quite a bit. I often don't really know quite how to answer it. I love Brad, so of course I love being married to him. Sometimes, I'm crazier about him than at others, but that's not ever the sort of answer you give. And really, people don't expect you to answer like that.
Last night, we had a bunch of teenagers over to our house. One of the girls was looking at some of our wedding pictures and was asking us questions about being married. One of her questions was, "What's it like being married?" She mentioned how her parents haven't been married in years, so I felt a little pressure in answering the question. I fumbled my way through it for a while and landed on talking about some of the things I've learned from Brad- things like his patience, his ability to stay calm and even-tempered, his rational thinking.
The more I've thought about it, though, I realize I've learned quite a lot from being married. I was talking to a friend of mine today and sort of babbled about my thoughts for a while (probably confusing her but definitely vocalizing some of the thoughts that have been going through my head recently). Before we got married, I couldn't count how many times we heard/read/talked about how marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. I've heard this all my life. However, I never really took the time to visualize it. I figured it would make sense one day, but it wasn't ever a really practical thing to me. I couldn't really image what it "looked" like.
I think my realization really hit about 3 weeks ago. I was really sick with a nasty sinus infection that just wouldn't leave. It was followed by migraines and sickness from the medicine I was taking to get rid of the original infection, plus general yucky feeling from all the medicine I was taking for the migraines. I was a mess. I cried a lot (I like to blame that on being medicated). I was super depressed of being in bed and sleeping so much and not being able to breathe. I felt AWFUL about taking days off work and just determined that I was going to go to work.
Brad was very opposed to my going. He definitely let me know that he didn't want me to and thought it was a bad decision. He asked me to trust him and to listen to him, even though he wasn't to straight up take away my choice and tell me "no" (he's not the kind of husband who would ever abuse the submission issue). I went to work anyway. My boss sent me home. I was not running on all cylinders and was doing no one any favors by trying to work. On top of that, my migraine intensified and it was back to bed for me.
I knew Brad had been right (and that sort of needled me, in and of itself), and I realize that I passed up a great opportunity to practice submission to my husband...in a situation that would actually have been for my benefit...kind of like how the Church is in submission to Christ. And how He instructs us for our benefit. He doesn't take away our will, but He does seek to instruct and care for us. We're able to choose whether or not we'll submit, and often we find ourselves suffering the consequences of not trusting him.
I finally got a glimpse of what it means for marriage to be a reflection of Christ and the Church. It's starting to become that practical, what-it-looks-like thing that was so elusive to me before. I love that I'm finally seeing it. I feel many more painful lessons in my future, though. Drat my stubbornness and independence...
Additionally, I've learned some of what marriage isn't:
1. It isn't Mr. Darcy all the time. We're not rolling in money, and we have our fair share of "discussions" about it. We don't have those dreamy admiring "looks" passing between us, as we're dressed in our finery and are on our best behavior. It's more like yelling down the hall and shoveling breakfast in our mouths when we're running late for church.
2. It isn't Gilbert Blythe either. I'm pretty sure Brad likes me a lot, but he's not always openly adoring me and thinking of all the things he likes about me. He hasn't always known he wanted to be with me forever. It's more like he gently points out when I'm being ridiculous or when he's frustrated with me (I usually deserve it...I'm not always joy and sunshine. Shocked? Thanks!), and we've definitely had several painful situations where there was uncertainty as to whether we would even get married (clarification: this was BEFORE our engagement. No worries).
3. It FOR SURE isn't Edward Cullen. Brad most definitely doesn't drop everything to be with me at all times. Which is good. I'm not his entire world (which I'm actually ok with), although I am the most important person. It's more like he ensures I'm safe, healthy (you know, or on the mend), and seeking to be the best version of me.
So, for those of you wondering how married life is, that's where I stand. I love Brad very much. I'm learning so much from him. It's too bad not all of you can live with him; he's a great roommate.
Any ideas? And, no, I'm not being generic "Gryffindor," although I feel like this could be very Gryffindor-sy. Here's what I was going for:
Fawkes the Phoenix. Admittedly, these pictures of animatronic Fawkes aren't as awesome as the Fawkes that I see in my head when I read about him, but it should give you an image to work with. I love Fawkes in the stories, even though he isn't a creature who speaks. He's so loyal and so helpful in a scrape. I wish I had a pet phoenix. That Dumbledore is lucky...
