Having a Baby: Things Learned (or, perhaps, remembered)

Found these notes I made on my phone in the middle of the night one night during our hospital stay. True words, these are.

Things I learned or remembered during our hospital stay, in list format for your convenience:

1. Lactation consultants are intense people. They have very strong things to say about how you sit, how you hold your baby, how many pillows you prop up with, the evils of pacifiers and bottles, the semi-evil-ness of pumps, the great evil of formula...they are just really intense. I imagine they would prefer the term "passionate." Thankfully, this was my second baby, so I knew to let much of it roll right off, just saying, "Uh huh, you're right" and then do whatever worked for me. (Note: I am not anti-lactation consultants. I am just much more moderate in my opinions about breastfeeding and already have a year of experience under my belt.)

2. You use your stomach for EVERYTHING. You realize this forcibly post c-section. Coughing, sneezing, laughing, rolling over, sitting up, laying down. Everything you do hurts after a c-section because the doctor just cut into your stomach muscles and made them angry.

3. Hospitals are the least restful places. Oh man. The. Worst. Beeping things. Blinking lights. People coming in and out every couple of hours to check everyone's vitals. Babies needing to be fed. Worst sleeping conditions.

4. Medical professionals examining your body is a free-for-all. (not just your baby's body- yours, too.)

5. As is discussing your bodily functions.

6. And your birth control methods. Numbers 4-6 are kind of embarrassing to have discussed and whatnot, but nobody cares about your feelings on that. They will insist on doing these things at regular intervals, indiscriminate of how much it hurts/how loudly they are speaking/how red your face grows, due to embarrassment.

7. After you have been on fluids for 24 hours, you have to use the bathroom A LOT. A shocking amount, actually. Which is also a little bit painful, thanks to the truths mentioned in #2.

8. Lab folks will come in the middle of the night, turn the harsh overhead lights on before you've registered that they're even there, and will then bruise your arm when trying to hit a vein. And then they might do it again on their second attempt. You will be very bruised for weeks. Oh, and then their colleague will come the next night and do the same thing.

9. After you've been diabetic dieting for several months, hospital ice cream cups are divine.

10. Nurses really are fantastic people (the majority, at least). They do such hard and good work. It really is such a noble calling. Thank you, nurses! You make hospitals easier places to be.