A Baby Story: Lily

Disclaimer: This is not a gory or gross story by most standards, but it IS a birth story. So, if you are grossed out by birth/hospitals/surgery or things that happen during births/at hospitals/during surgery, I recommend you not read this post. Skip to the pictures or wait for future posts that are more about cute, squishy babies. Fair warning, friends.

For those of you who were around when Claire was born, I hope you won't be too disappointed that Lily's birth story won't be drawn out over two weeks. I should be able to get it all down in a couple of posts. My birth story/time in the hospital/recovery with Claire was very long, drawn out, traumatic (at least to me), and complicated. I used writing it out on my blog as a therapy, of sorts. It was my way of processing (as well as documenting) all of the physical pain and emotional ups-and-down that I'd just gone through. My birth story with Lily is almost entirely the opposite, thanks to a few factors that were (somewhat) within our control. I could NOT be more grateful.

Last family photo before Lily joined us! My mom took this of us after post-church lunch at Nana Taco (which happens to be my mom's- Nana's- favorite little taco spot in Durham). Also, Claire is wearing Mom's purse as a necklace.

Because I'd ended up having an unplanned c-section with Claire and, subsequently, my doctor in Boston had urged me to plan on repeat c-sections rather than attempting any VBAC's (vaginal birth after cesarean), Brad and I decided to pursue a c-section with this pregnancy. Most people, I have found, have opinions about whether or not that's the best choice, but after much thinking, reading, and praying, I felt good about that choice. Well, if not good, I felt like it was the best of my options. I also chose to follow my Boston medical team's suggestion of using general anesthesia again. This choice was more controversial than a repeat c-section, and I found myself having to discuss is a lot with a myriad of different people. I was literally still explaining my story to nurses while I was laying on the operating table and they were prepping me for the c-section. I've written about it here before, but here's the crux of it: every single attempt to insert something into my spine during my hospital stay with Claire failed. Three attempts at an epidural failed (and consequently gave me a wet tap that cause the spinal/positional headache). Three attempts at a spinal block for my c-section failed (which led to general anesthesia with Claire's delivery). Three attempts at a blood patch to relieve the spinal headache failed. Basically, 4 different anesthesiologists and 9 different spinal punctures led to a) a 100% rate of failure and b) a lot of trauma for me. I became completely terrified that future attempts would cause paralysis or something equally wretched. I knew that you have to hold still for them to insert the needles, and I KNEW there was no way I'd be able to pull off stillness in the midst of my fear. I had an anesthesia consult here a few months before Lily was born, and they agreed that general seemed to be my best option, which was encouraging. (Note: while Anesthesia felt this way, basically everyone else in the medical community thought there was no need for general and that someone could absolutely get a spinal block in. I'm sure they're good, but you canNOT convince me. You just can't.)

My c-section was scheduled for 8:30 am on Friday, April 15. I had the first slot and was super excited that I'd have a baby well before lunch time! I had to fast from all food and liquids after midnight, which was a little stressful for me- mostly because I know what a hard time nurses have getting an IV started on me and being dehydrated makes it so much worse. So, I chugged water and Gatorade right up until midnight and prayed my veins would cooperate (when I had to get fluids a few weeks ago, they failed to get a line started in both wrists and finally got one in the crook of my arm. It was a VERY uncomfortable process). I didn't sleep very well (all the fluids + pregnancy = lots of trips to the bathroom), so I spent a lot of time praying and listening to some worship music. I listened to this song on repeat for quite a while. A few hours later, while trying to stay calm in the OR, I sang it over and over in my head and was really thankful I'd listened to it so many times.

We (Brad, Mom, and me- my dad stayed at the house with Claire) headed to the hospital a little after 6:00 am and were in a pre-op room shortly before 7. We got there right around a shift change in the nurses, but it was perfectly timed, I thought, because the nurse who came in to start my IV got it started on her first try (!) right before she clocked out. I was so very grateful. With the shift change, I was assigned the absolute best two nurses to take care of me through surgery and recovery: Reagan and Laura. They came in to continue prepping me, and I got really tickled when I realized that one of them was named Laura; when I went in for my c-section with Claire in Boston, my nurse was named Laura, and she was an absolute blessing. I had just begun suffering from my spinal headache and could hardly hold my head up while they were trying to start my spinal block. So, Laura #1 literally held my head in her hands to provide me with enough relief to sit still for the anesthesiologist. I thought that having a second Laura was a really nice touch for Lily's story.

Laura and Reagan were absolutely the sweetest as they prepped me and talked me through what was about to happen. They were great at encouraging me and keeping me calm. I can't say the same for the anesthesiologist and her assistant; they ended up being great later on, but during pre-op, they kind of freaked me out with all of the worst-case scenarios (I realize they have to explain those things to me- legally- but everything was presented in such a "are you sure you want to do this?" kind of way that it was very unnerving). It also stressed me out that they kept referring to "my decision" to use general anesthesia and the fact that it was "more of a risk," which served to make me feel like I'd made a decision that was unnecessarily putting myself and my baby at risk (which was not at all how I'd viewed the decision, especially since the anesthesiologist that I'd consulted with earlier had been fully supportive). All this to say, by the time I was walking into the operating room, my nerves were not as calm as I'd hoped for.

The operating room felt cramped, given that there were about 10 or so doctors and nurses getting things set up (my OB, the anesthesiologist and her assistant, the peds team, and several nurses). I got all settled on the operating table (which, by the way, felt entirely too small for a full-term pregnant woman) and tried to stay calm while everyone bustled around me setting up lights, curtains, surgical instruments, and baby-taking-care-of equipment. It was at this point that the anesthesiologist and her assistant became a little more warm and encouraging, chatting with me about how I'd lived in Boston and how the anesthesiologist had minored in history in undergrad. They also told me they wouldn't strap my arms down until I was asleep, which was nice; that part is kind of freaky. Right before they started the drugs, they did make a loud announcement to the room to quiet down, which sort of made me feel like a celebrity. Brad wasn't allowed to come in until after I was under, so I was actually never aware of him in the OR. By the time he came in, I was completely under, had a breathing tube in, and the doctor had actually already started the surgery. Brad got in there at 8:30, and Lily was born at 8:31. We learned that they move very quickly when the mother is under general anesthesia so that the baby is barely affected by it. Brad got to watch the peds team take over care of Lily (she scored a 9 on her Apgar the first time!). 

All suited up!

So glad Brad could be there this time.

Brad and Lily headed to the nursery, and they took me to the recovery room where Mom was waiting. When I woke up after Claire was born, my first questions were about whether or not she was actually a girl (right before my surgery, Brad had joked that she might actually be a boy, stressing me out about all of the pink things back at our apartment), and this time, I woke up asking about whether or not Brad had named the baby. Important information, friends. I was also apologizing a lot...for some reason?

Someone got me some ice chips and helped me sit up, so that I could work toward being able to hold my baby. And when I did get to hold her, I agreed with what Brad had been thinking while he was with her: she was definitely a little Lily Catherine Boswell. FINALLY. We had the right name that we both loved. And she was just so pretty. It was a great moment: I got to see my baby, she was very cute, and we finally had a name for her. Also? I WASN'T PREGNANT ANYMORE. Or diabetic! Yay!

Reagan, Laura, me, and a bundle of Lily

Everything was going incredibly smoothly with only one hiccup: while there is always bleeding post-partum, after nursing Lily for the first time, I felt myself losing A LOT of blood. I mentioned it to one of the nurses, who took a peek and promptly went to get the OB. Everyone stayed pretty calm but went to work immediately. They explained that I was passing a large number of blood clots (gross wording, I know. Sorry about that.) and needed to get that under control. My OB began clearing out a rather large amount of clotting, which was an EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE experience for me. I was trying not to freak out about the pain or the blood loss (since there were several people in the room, and I was trying to be cool...obviously, this is the goal throughout the birthing experience, am I right?), but man, it was kind of an awful experience. They also started me on some pitocin to speed up my post-delivery contractions, helping to stop the excessive bleeding. After he finished, he and the nurses all commended me on my pain tolerance (I believe the words used were, "most people would have tried to crawl off the bed during that procedure"), so I'm thinking I did well in the "be cool" department. But, gosh, it was awful.

I had another round of blood loss later that night, and unfortunately for me, I actually caught a glimpse of it which completely terrified me and made me feel like I was going to be sick. I later learned that they had almost given me a blood transfusion because of the amount of blood lost. I'm still trying to figure out why they felt that telling me that information was helpful. All it did was make me nervous about any more blood that I lost (even the normal amounts).

Thankfully, outside of the blood loss, there were no other dramatic events during our hospital stay (which was only 3 nights this time, rather than 6). It was so vastly different from Claire's birth, and I'm really thankful for such a different experience. Lily came into the world peacefully and calmly, very much like her personality. We are so grateful for her and have been thoroughly enjoying getting to know her sweet self. Welcome to our family, little Lily!

Lily Catherine. More stories to come.