I solemnly pledge.

I have moved every two years since I graduated college (I am on my fourth city, by the way). Being the new girl is something I have grown accustomed to...although it isn't something that I feel any more comfortable with at all. I love the feeling (about a year or so in) when I have lovely new friends and a church and reasons to love where I am; before that, though, there is a lot of loneliness and awkwardness and frustration. I consider myself a people person and fairly socially adept, but I'm definitely not the most aggressive of go-getters and deal with my fair share of insecurity in making a place for myself.

In most all of the new places I've lived, I have met really nice people (usually at church or wherever I'm working) that I click with and exchange phone numbers with.* It usually goes something like:
Not me: Why don't I give you my number and we can maybe do something sometime.
Me: Sure. I'll text you mine so you'll have it.
Not me: Great! Just let me know when you want to hang out!

Now, this is a very nice and potentially helpful gesture...but unless the other person initiates contact with me after that exchange, it creates a lot of stress in my life.

Part of me wants to contact the nice gal who gave me her number, but I run into the issue of "I'm new here and have no idea where to go/what to do." Also, I have a toddler, so whatever we do needs to be toddler-friendly, and I need you to understand that even though I invited you to do something, you should expect to have only half of my attention and more than a few incomplete thoughts. In addition to having a toddler, we're also a grad student family, so our activity needs to be budget-friendly. On top of that, I'm really missing that place I just moved here from and am struggling with not being there and am trying to figure out how to like this new place where I am because I currently don't (which is particularly hard right now, as I'm missing Boston dreadfully. Yes, even the winter weather, as I happen to love winter, rather miss winter in Boston, and am bummed that the temperatures in Durham don't get very cold. I'm weird, I know. Don't get me started on how much I dislike summer in the South...fellow Southerners will question my sanity. But please don't question my Southern-ness. I will stop speaking to you.)

Anyway, all of those issues make me nervous about inviting someone to hang out. Being the inviter (?) comes with a certain pressure to be interesting and engaging and to take some responsibility for the time spent together. Hard to do when you don't have a "home court advantage," of sorts, but do have a small person demanding a lot of attention and a decent amount of insecurity due to being new.**

So, with that in mind, I make a pledge: when I am no longer the new girl, when I do have a "home court advantage," when I'm better at being a mom to a toddler, and when I meet another new girl and exchange numbers with her...I pledge to text or call her first. With a plan. A date, time, and place to meet and visit. I pledge to do my part to take the burden off of her and lend a friendly hand. Being new is hard and putting yourself out there is hard, so I pledge to do what I can to help a sister out.

* I have several women in my life who have taken the initiative and been unbelievably kind to me when I was the new girl, and I do not want to seem unappreciative of their kindness. Looking at you Nastia, Ira, Tracie, Rachael, and Anne. 

**Also: just because reaching out is hard for me doesn't me I don't do it. I don't want anyone reading this and thinking that I'm holed up in our house without any contact with the outside world. Well, technically, this week I am because Claire and I have wretched colds, but this is an anomaly. Usually we're doing what we can to socialize.