A Baby Story: Part 1

I know it's been a while since I've posted a blog or anything "real". Basically since my little Claire Bear was born. I waffled about whether to write about any of what's been going on at all, but since I blog partially for readers and primarily as a way to document my life for myself and my family, I decided to do it. It's a long and personally traumatic story, so I decided to do it in several installments, starting with this one that handles my ground rules.

Firstly, I'm not writing to get sympathy; documentation is the goal.

Secondly, I'm not writing for solidarity. I'm still processing a lot of fear, pain, and probably some bitterness, so hearing others' birth horror stories is definitely not something I'm looking for or think is a good idea. Maybe I can handle it better one day. Right now, though, I'm writing for my memory and to help explain where I've been and why no one has heard from me personally.

Thirdly, I know things could have been so much worse. I'm under no delusions about that, but it's not helpful, currently, for others to offer me "perspective." I'm not in a place to handle that. Please hold off on that for now. I'm not equipped to deal with it.

Fourthly, I know my daughter is so worth it. Trust me. I wouldn't have gone through half of what I did if not for her. Please don't think that has escaped me. I absolutely adore her and can't believe I get to keep her.

I didn't realize until a few nights ago that I hadn't even told much of my story to some of my best friends. I texted a picture of my baby to a friend, and it dawned on me that she's one of my best friends and didn't not know the first thing about what had been going on. Sorry for the secretivity; it just happened.

All this to say, I'll explain things; please don't think I'm one-upping or don't realize how much worse things could be. I'm just going to tell my story. Next up: getting started. :)