Gentle warning: this isn't explicitly gross or graphic, but I do discuss pregnancy/medical things. Please feel free to skip if that is too specific for your tastes. Please, also, feel free to skip if reading about pregnancy and delivery and babies is just particularly difficult. I don't want to cause any additional difficulties and understand if you'd rather wait until I post the next round of ridiculous quotables.
Ready?
Here we go:
This fourth pregnancy was a surprise to us, and it took a beat for us to wrap our minds around. We are so thankful and really looking forward to meeting our baby...but Erin Pregnancies are always a mixed bag of emotions and complications. This pregnancy is no different and perhaps a bit more complicated in some ways.
My history with pregnancy includes several issues that tend to follow from pregnancy to pregnancy, namely: preeclampsia/high blood pressure, c-sections, and gestational diabetes (gdm). I also have debilitating migraines and nausea that stay with me throughout the entire pregnancy. I took the pregnancy test on a Saturday, and the nausea set in the very next night. Once the calculations were done, I realized that I was 5 weeks and 2 days along, which meant that I knew almost as early as I could have known...and that a very long road lay ahead of me.
I've written a decent amount in the past about gestational diabetes (which I'll refer to as gdm), because I dealt with it during my pregnancies with Lily and Brynna (I *somehow* lucked out and did not deal with it during my pregnancy with Claire- I think the Lord knew it would have overwhelmed me too much). With Lily, it was discovered at the beginning of my third trimester, and I was completely diet-controlled. I learned a lot about how gdm works, how to count and measure my carbs/proteins/fats, and how my body responded to food, as well as environmental factors. The gdm diagnosis OVERWHELMED me at first, but my fallback habit when faced with something overwhelming is to learn everything I can about it and make a plan. I did, and it worked! My numbers were fine, Lily was a perfect size, and her blood sugar was perfect at delivery. To read more about my experience with GDM, click the GDM label at the bottom of this post or the tag on the sidebar.
Quick fact about gdm: a mom develops gdm because of the baby's placenta. Some placentas produce hormones that inhibit the mother's insulin production. Once the baby and placenta are delivered, mom's body begins to regulate again. Within a few days to a week, her own insulin is (usually) working properly again. That said, having gdm does increase mom's chances of developing type 2 diabetes later in life. So, while it's only for a short time, moms with gdm should definitely take it seriously.
Because I was diabetic with Lily, I was tested early (13 weeks) with Brynna. My numbers were out-of-range after the 1-hour test, but the test made me so sick that I opted out of the 3-hour test and just began checking my glucose and modifying my diet right away (with my doctors' consent).
Note: I really think it would be better if the medical community eliminated the idea of "failing a glucose test" from the process. During my first gdm pregnancy, the idea that I had failed (myself and my baby) was extremely upsetting to me- even though it had nothing to do with how I was taking care of myself. So, I try to use different language when talking about it. Maybe that's too sensitive, but really? Pregnant women are already hormonal and often overly sensitive.
I did all of my same eating plans during my Brynna pregnancy that I had done with Lily, and despite following all of the rules, ignoring all cravings that didn't fit in the plan, eating on a schedule whether it was what I felt like or not...my numbers kept climbing and climbing, particularly my fasting (overnight/sleeping) numbers, which I had very little control over. It was very discouraging, to say the least. I started on an oral medication at 20 weeks, which was upped to twice a day around 30 weeks. At 32 weeks, I started insulin shots (in addition to the oral medication) and had appointments twice a week for fluid checks (ultrasound) and non-stress tests- all in addition to a strict diet. It was a lot. (And truth be told, I have a hard time, while pregnant, seeing women post on social media or talk with friends about how they just had to eat ____ because the baby wanted it. I almost never get to eat exactly what I want when I'm pregnant, and I definitely can't do it "because the baby wants it." Again, that's probably overly sensitive, but again, please see "hormones.")
With this fourth pregnancy, there was almost no statistical way that I would pass an early glucose test, so I opted out again and just began checking my own sugars. That was around 11 weeks, and as I write this at 33 weeks, I'm still doing ok. I'm not on any medications and am successfully controlling with diet. That might change before it's all said and done, but I'll take it for now.
During my second trimester, I unexpectedly had an intense kidney crisis. I knew it was fairly common to develop UTI's during pregnancy (that's the only time I ever get them), but apparently, it's also pretty common to have issues with kidney stones. Lucky me, I went through the process of dealing with my very first kidney stone while pregnant. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it was the most painful experience of my life. And being pregnant, I couldn't take anything for the pain. My only pain management option was a heating pad.
If you've ever had a kidney stone, I think you'll understand that "heating pad as pain management" is an actual joke. After days of writhing in pain, not eating (which, by the way, is bad for a diabetic), vomiting from pain, and general despair, they told me I could take 2 ibuprofen sparingly, if I "absolutely needed it" (pregnant women aren't supposed to take ibuprofen/aspirin).
I got a renal ultrasound to confirm that I had one kidney stone in my kidney (which wasn't causing any problems) and one that was stuck further down, preventing my right kidney from draining (causing swelling in my kidney- hydronephrosis), which was what was causing all the pain (I also found out later that they found cysts on my kidneys, as well, which I'll get to deal with after the baby is born).
I had an appointment with a urologist about 9 days into all of my problems. At this point, I had legitimately prayed and begged the Lord to return already and take me out of my misery. The urologist told me that I had roughly a week to pass the stone on my own before she would need to intervene (because of concerns over long-term damage + she had to act quickly before I moved into third trimester, which was about 2 weeks away). PRAISE THE LORD, I started passing the stone in tiny pieces that very night and over the next day. I got almost immediate relief, as my kidney was able to start processing fluid correctly.
I have never felt quite as hopeless and scared in my life as I did during those days with my kidney stone. They were some very dark and excruciatingly painful days for me, and I've spent the intervening days praying desperately that the second stone will just stay where it is- at least until after the baby is born (preferably forever).
Note: I've discovered that I have some more issues going on with my kidneys that will have to be looked into after the baby is born, in addition to the cysts, and would appreciate any and all prayers for those appointments to go smoothly.
Pre-eclampsia is one of those complications that just kind of happens out of nowhere with no real warning. Which is what happened when I was pregnant with Claire. Once you've had it, your chances of developing it again with subsequent pregnancies is ~25% higher. At my 30-ish week appointment a few weeks ago, I had very high blood pressure in office, both times they checked, so they had me checking my own bp at home periodically. It wasn't great. It was high every time, which caused a lot of anxiety for me (which, incidentally, elevates both blood pressure AND glucose. A vicious cycle.). I became so anxious thinking that I was in the process of developing pre-eclampsia and what it would mean. I was 31/32 weeks, which was far too early to comfortably deliver a baby, and I was terrified at the thought of delivering a vulnerable preemie during a pandemic. It was just nightmarish.
I went for my 32 week appointment and had my highest bp reading yet, which was so overwhelming to me. BUT. There was no protein showing up in my urine dip (gross, I know, but that's how they check), which was a HUGE answer to my prayers. I wish my bp was lower (it's naturally very low when I'm not pregnant, so I'm hopeful it will naturally lower after the baby comes), but for now, I'm so unbelievably relieved that it's not pre-eclampsia.
So, at 33 weeks (34 tomorrow), I'm still on a strict diabetic diet and tethered to checking my glucose, I'm trying to keep a lifestyle that will help keep my bp low-ish, I'm anemic, I'm migraine-y and nauseated, I'm achy and full-time Braxton-Hicks-y, but I'm so grateful for the small mercies of no insulin and no pre-eclampsia. The baby is moving ALL THE TIME, which is so reassuring and comforting (and also keeps me awake). I know I still have several weeks left, but I'm grateful for where things stand in the here and now.
I know I have so many people praying for me and encouraging me, remembering me and checking on me. I'm SO THANKFUL for my support system. I have concerns about delivering a baby in a high-risk pregnancy during a pandemic, but I'm working to remember that none of this was my plan; the Lord has orchestrated and timed things from the beginning, and I can leave it in His hands.
In my past pregnancies, I've never made a habit of taking pictures. I'm usually feeling too lousy to care about it and also never look very cute...which isn't something I've felt very much like documenting. I decided I wanted some documentation for this surprise, final pregnancy.
18 weeks
19 weeks
also 19 weeks
22 weeks
24 weeks
25 weeks
26 weeks
28 weeks
29 weeks
30 weeks
31 weeks
32 weeks
I've also tried to remember to snap pictures of kindnesses of our friends and neighbors. I never want to forget the ways God reminded me of His nearness during hard times (and this doesn't even cover the daily texts and Marco Polos from friends and family who check in on how I'm feeling/doctor appointments/glucose numbers/the girls/all the things. It also doesn't cover the many days and weeks that Barbara stayed with us, making food, doing laundry, managing children. We have been so taken care of. Also not pictured: the summer survival kit that Kat sent for the girls. It was inspired.).
A very thoughtful friend sent me flowers during my kidney stone saga to remind me that she was thinking about and praying for me. I definitely cried.
A very kind neighbor who loves the girls dropped off this tub of homemade snickerdoodle dough for them to make/to give me an easy activity to do with energetic children.
It was a big hit.
A few days later, sweet friends (both are friends from Duke and church) dropped off Mexican take out. One of them snapped this picture of the girls that I later screenshot. She always gets tickled chatting with our very extroverted children.
A few days after that, some other friends from church dropped off take out from a local Peruvian restaurant that we love. We felt very cared for.
If you've made it this far, well done! 100 points for you. I appreciate the care and questions. I also never have a straightforward answer to "How are you feeling/doing?" It's never straightforward. But always interesting, I think? Bless us...
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